Toy Story: Three Reasons Woody Should Have Ran Buzz Lightyear The Fair One

 

Humor – I’m convinced Woody is not about “THAT LIFE” like he pretended to be all along, and here’s why. Countless times in the movie Toy Story we witnessed woody grin his face and pull on his little cowboy boots like he really was the head ***** in charge. You remember that? He would cross his arms with his little knitted up yellow shirt that covered his long skinny neck that stood behind a fleece that looked as if it was any tighter it would have choked the s*** out of him; his hat tilted a little to the right to bring out the country coolness, alongside of  his red cheekbones that were dabbed with Bo Peep’s powder. He would lead the pack with a happy face and keep his goons in line like he did the softest dinosaur in the world Rex. Excuse my use of words. We call this “Vega Humor for a reason. I don’t recommend anyone that gets easily offended  to continue reading. What’s reporting all day without having a little humor in it?

 

Woody was the man and nobody could deny it. Let’s be real,  he was Andy’s bottom toy. He continuously reminded his fellow toy friends of the importance of having Andy’s signature imprinted on their body. He repeatedly tried to talk them out of leaving to Sunnyside and into moving in Andy’s dusty dark attic, where they would live together while Andy went to college. If you needed a bottom toy, Woody was that toy to call…until this toy showed up!

 

 

THIS AINT NO REGULAR TOY

Imagine an OG cousin you heard crazy stories about that moved out of state when you were young but still was the talk of the family because he kept getting locked up, shot and stabbed. Now Imagine him getting into some serious beef where goons wanted him dead, so out of fear of his life, his mother sent him to live with her sister, who’s your mother, at YOUR house. Ladies and gentlemen, MEET OG Buzz Lightyear.

 

Not only was the guy completely paranoid, he always tried to keep in touch with his homie star command back home. He was always strapped with a lazer equipped with all kinds of wings and gadgets. How could any person putting in work forget about the purple ski mask that rested under his chin and over his head? If that isn’t signs of a goon, I don’t know what is. Anyway, here’s why I feel Woody should have thrown Buzz Lightyear the fair one.

 

1. THE DISRESPECT

 

 

Any outsider that comes between you and your “bottom toy” is a direct violation. Under no circumstances should you tolerate an outsider coming through and messing s**t up between you and your owner. That alone defeats the whole purpose of you being in that position. Fresh from the box Buzz Lightyear was violating; putting his box on Andy’s bed, pressing buttons and s**t, shining his red laser in Woody’s face when he welcomed him to Andy’s room. The s**t was bugged out!

2. Bagging His Chick

Remember the time Woody asked Buzz to prove that he could fly and he did all that cool **** across Andy’s room? Right after that Bo Peep placed her hand over her heart impressed with a smile and said: “I found my moving buddy.” Yeah, she definitely wanted to take a ride on Buzz’s spaceship that day. 😉

3. Buzz Lightyear Set It Off On Him In Andy’s Mom Car

I think we all can agree that Buzz Lightyear proved he’s about that action. He bagged Woody’s chick, turned his friends against him, won over his owner and set it off on him in Andy’s mom car. It’s pretty obvious why he was the one chosen to defend the galaxy from the evil emperor Zorg. The dude is a loose canon! It’s sad to say, but the only way Woody is getting his point across to Buzz is by getting the snake out of his boot and shoving it in his ass.

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